Have you ever felt overwhelmed? Have you felt like sleeping in for days and waking up when the world decided to make sense again? Have you ever wanted to scream and shout but you were just too exhausted to? Have you ever wanted to cry but felt paralyzed? Have you ever felt like you've lost yourself? I have.
Life has a way of overwhelming us sometimes. Sometimes when it rains, it pours. Sometimes it’s hard to see the bright side of things. Sometimes life just doesn’t seem fair. Sometimes we may feel like throwing in the towel. Sometimes our stress and anxiety can seem overbearing. Sometimes it’s hard to be strong. Sometimes it’s okay not to be okay.
We experience anxiety when things don’t go our way. It can be from the smallest thing like not being able to find our car keys in the morning and not getting into work early like would have liked to, to not doing as well as we would have liked to on a test, to a relationship not going the way we wanted, to a loved one not living the full life we thought that they would.
It’s easy to trust God when life is good but would we be moved in adversity? Will we continue to praise and worship God through our pain?
Sometimes the circumstances in our life on top of everything else that is going on in us emotionally and spiritually can take a toll on us. I just had a season where I had so many changes take place. I became single for the first time in 9 years, I started a new job after having been with my previous employer comfortably for many years, I moved away from my family into a new place, started my Masters degree program, on top of attending my second year of Bible college, on top of serving at church and still needed to make time to exercise, spend quality time with family and friends while finding time to eat and sleep; I was hanging onto everything by a thread some days.
I was spread so thin that my heart wasn’t 100% into anything that I did. I lost passion. I had works but not the heart that was supposed to go with it. Sometimes we can get so caught up in the world, in others, in ourselves that we lose sight of why we're here, what we’re living for, who we’re living for. I realized that being so busy allowed me to bury some hurt feelings under the rug, feelings that I needed to deal with.
It’s hard for many people to admit their weaknesses, to be transparent about the trials in their lives, especially about the battles people face within. Sometimes everything on the outside may be fine, but the heart is still heavy. Many people adopt the habit of hiding behind their smile, alleviating their pain with the temporary satisfactions of this world.
I thought to myself, I have so much to be thankful for, I love my job, they’re paying for my Masters degree, coworkers are awesome, I don’t have to worry about finances, I love Bible school, I’m learning so much, I have a great place to live, my family is healthy, my friends and church family are amazing and God is bringing so many other great people into my life that I am able to pour into and vice versa, but in my heart, I felt numb.
I ignored how I felt and decided to focus on the positives. I didn’t want to be someone who was ungrateful for their blessings. Yet, that aching kept resurfacing, yearning to take over all that was good in me. Even though I didn’t want to, I knew it was imperative for me deal with my heart issues. I had to learn how to be honest with myself. I needed to stop trying to be strong and surrender myself completely to the Lord.
Psalm 51:17 says, “The sacrifices of God are a broken spirit; a broken and contrite heart, O God, you will not despise.” Even though everything was going great on the outside, the inside needed some attention. I had to learn to let go of my optimism for a moment and talk to God about the aching inside my heart that was slowly eating at me. “The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.” (Psalm 34:18), we just have to be honest with ourselves, cry out to Him and allow Him to walk us through the healing process.
I’ve learned that with God, everything is a process. We can’t rush the work that He’s doing, but we can definitely slow down our process by not dealing with the root issues of things. However, when we eradicate our stubbornness and pride and completely surrender ourselves to Him we will find that He is made strong in our weakness (2Corin 13:9) He reveals to us who He is and who we are in Him. His grace is sufficient and His wisdom walks us through the desert and into the Promised Land.
Being honest with God and communicating my true feelings with Him, especially the feelings of anger, resentment, and hurt brought me closer in relationship with Him. It allowed me to truly heal, experience His grace like never before and filled me with His peace. I felt my old self die and a new/whole person rise up from the ashes and begin to live and experience life with genuine joy.
I am left in awe of all that God has done in me and through me through every process. My heart rejoices in His goodness. God is good when we’re at the top and He is still good when we’re at the bottom, maybe even more compassionate. I love that His character never changes.
When you recognize and cry out to God about the things you are not, only then will you begin to recognize all the things that He is. He is bigger than any circumstance we will ever face. He is the answer to every question, every plea, every lacking because He is the way, the truth, the life.(John 14:6)
More Time by NeedToBreathe
