Lost and Found

The last six months have been such a challenging and growing experience for me. It started with the ending one relationship to the beginning of another. I was with a great guy for two years but that chapter ended because there was an even better relationship that my heart yearned for, that relationship is with my Lord and Savior.

 

I was ready to give my life and my everything to this person who I was so in love with but the Lord’s love for me called me to do His will and not my own. This made no sense to me at the time but as I began to seek Him, I began to see things more clearly.

 

My identity and affirmation became consumed with my relationship instead of who I am in Christ. I was commiting idolatry by putting this relationship over my relationship with God. I put my hope in a person instead of in the one who created me. I realized that God’s plan for us is so much better than the plans we make for ourselves. I am called to be so much more than what I planned for myself. We have a destiny in Christ and it takes a step of faith to trust His will for us.

I will admit this wasn't an easy process. It took me awhile to deal with the break up. I brushed any form of vulnerable feeling under the rug. I distracted myself with extreme productivity to the point where I became too busy to even have feelings, I became numb. I did not want to deal with the issues head on, I just wanted to move forward and quickly at that. I even considered jumping into another relationship, which would have been a faster way to move on but thankfully, I realized how silly that would have been to try to give myself to someone again when I had yet to learn how to completely give myself to God first.

I was in that season for a lot longer than I expected. I kept praying for God to help me get over it but God didn't want to help me get over the situation, He wanted to help me get through it. Sometimes God doesn't change our situation because He is trying to change our heart.There were heart and character issues that needed to be addressed. I kept wanting to deal with it my way but that only got me so far. It wasn't until I was finally able to surrender myself, admit and repent my short comings, that I finally started dealing with the situation the way God wanted me to.
 

As hard as it was the last few months, I wouldn’t change any part of it. God never promised it would be easy but indeed it would be worth it. (Romans 5:3-5) His ways may not make sense to us sometimes but we have to keep in mind that His ways are higher and that He works all things together for our good, for those who love Him and are called according to His purpose.

 

My brokenness brought me closer to the Father who loves me with an unfailing love that far surpasses understanding. I was finally able to completely surrender myself to Him and began experiencing the intimate relationship that He wanted so much for me to have with Him.

 

I cry Abba, Father, and He hears me. It was only until I was able to surrender every piece of my broken heart, which was when God was able to heal me and make me new again. It took me awhile to admit my brokenness because as holy as He is, all I wanted was to present to Him someone holy and righteous in every aspect but I soon realized that He wants all of us, the good, the bad, the ugly. He wants us as we are, He loves us as we are. The breaking of my pride brought me to a genuine place of humility, a place where my heart was open to truly receive the Lord's mercy, grace and love. This was followed by the breakthrough I needed in my life.

 

When we hit a bottom, we will find that He is the Rock below. I found refuge in Him. I discovered that the Rock at the bottom was the foundation that I needed to be built stronger, better, with divine purpose. This was when I was truly made new in Christ. 2 Corinthians 5:17

 

According to the book of Mark, Jesus stated that the most important commandment is to love the Lord with all your heart and with all your soul and all your mind and with all your strength. I am so thankful that God blessed me with a season where I truly learned to have complete dependence on Him and where He’s able to be everything to me that He says He is:  My Savior, my Lord, my Refuge, my Rock, my Strong Tower, my Healer, my Father, the greatest love of all.

 

The more confident I become with who I am in Christ, the more I recognize God’s work in my life. How marvelous are His works.. I’ve been so blessed to witness His good works in me and through me.

I'm living my life completely for the one who created me. My purpose is to share His love with the world and bring glory to His name because He is so good and so worthy.

I was lost but now I'm found, I was blind but now I see.

 

Listening to: One Thing Remains by Kristian Stanfill